Drenched

SOAKED ON SHEETS

So, let’s talk about what it is like to awaken in the middle of the night and realize that, yes indeed, you are drenched. Wait, am I dreaming? Maybe.

After a couple of minutes, it became clear to me that dreaming was over. I was cozy under the covers until the reality hit that I was wet. My nightgown was wet. The bed sheets were wet. Ugh. This feels terrible. It felt like I had been in a sauna with all of my clothes on.

I crawled to the edge of the bed, threw the covers off, went into the bathroom, and stripped down. I grabbed my robe and walked, still butt naked, into the kitchen, stood in front of my fridge, and pulled open the French doors. While waving the French doors back and forth fanning myself with the wonderful cold air, I tried to figure out if there was any way I could crawl inside and stay for a while.

I began to cool off. Finally, little by little, sanity was returning. About 10 minutes passed, and I was still standing naked, fanning the fridge doors. Since it was 2:30am, it was dark in the kitchen and the only light was coming from inside the fridge as I continued to fan myself. Hmmmm, I thought. I could send a Morse code message by opening and closing the fridge doors and using the light for the code. So, why not!?

The only Morse code I know is SOS. Dot-Dot-Dot Dash-Dash-Dash   Dot-Dot-Dot. I refreshed my grip on the doors and began to ‘open fast-open-fast-open-fast…….open slow and longer- again,’ and again. Then back to the quick pulls 3 times. There. I had done it. That was fun. Let’s do it again.

Enough playing around. I was well cooled, and it was time to put on my dry robe. Even though my outsides had cooled off, my insides were still pretty hot (it felt like that anyway). I opened my freezer. Voila! Ice cream. Oh, yea! Perfect! A little ice cream will do the trick! I took out the peppermint flavor and grabbed a teaspoon. No need for a dish, I thought. Here I am, almost butt naked, in the dark kitchen, at about 3am, no one else but me in the house…..who cares if I spoon the ice cream right out of the container? I don’t think there are any Ice Cream Police patrolling around my area. So, spoon away!

After enjoying way more ice cream that I should have, I went back to the bedroom, checked the bed, and, sure enough, the sheets were damp. The pillows were a little damp as well. There was no way I was going to crawl back in that bed. I pulled the covers way back so that the sheets could air dry a little, but I planned to put them in the laundry a bit later. At 3-something in the morning, I didn’t feel like starting up the laundry. I did think about getting more ice cream, but decided instead to get into my big comfy chair, open up my iPad, and find something to watch.

But I digress……..I really wanted to talk about ‘night sweats’.  First of all, I thought I was long past having any of these. According to my research (Google, of course) night sweats are brought on when a women goes into menopause. The average age for this, is somewhere between ages 45 and 50. For me, that time was ‘a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away’!

Other things brought on by menopause are hot flashes, sleep problems, decreased energy levels, increased body fat, and a general attitude of ‘I’m bitchy and I know it – clap your hands!!’ Clap! Clap! I’d like to give a note to the men here if any of them are still reading this. Keep reading! There is a good chance that every one of you will encounter a woman in your life who is going through menopause. Your mom, grandmother, sister, aunt, daughter, girlfriend, wife are bound to get into menopause and you must be steadfast, quiet, and determined to help her through this. Most likely, it won’t be easy.

But then again, it isn’t easy for a woman to push a living being out of her mid-section. There are things that happen….hormone changes, body size changes, emotional and physical changes. And, just to put another perspective on this:  it takes a man only about 30 seconds to leave the woman with a responsibility that goes from 9 months up to 18 or more years. Come on, men! Man-up! Instead of going to the gym to exercise and work on your ‘manliness,’ exercise understanding, patience, self-control, and love. And next time you wake up to find your significant other not in bed, but the bed is sopping wet, get a clue! Just get up and change the sheets, put the wet ones in the wash, and go to the kitchen and offer to fan the fridge doors for her while handing her the ice cream container and a spoon!

Just a thought …