The Kitchen Floor

So, let’s talk about the kitchen floor. More specifically, my kitchen floor. Be happy that you don’t have to look at it.  I don’t even want to look at it. But, it lives with me, so I have to ‘look it in the eye’ periodically and remind it who is the head of this household! At the moment, we are experiencing a slight altercation. I prefer to walk across it to get from counter to fridge to counter to stove or whatever. This should be no big deal. After all, it’s a floor. It’s supposed to just lie there and let itself be walked all over!

Well, I assume too much! My floor has taken on a mind of its own and decided to play a little game with me last night as I walked, barefoot, across to the fridge to get a glass of water. Let’s call this game “Mine-Craft.”  It has absolutely nothing to do with computer games, but everything to do with the trip getting to the cupboard to get a glass, getting to the fridge to get the water, and getting safely back to my bedroom!

First of all, my floor is 12” square ceramic tiles, white-ish in color, laid in nice easy straight rows and suitable for playing checkers, or an occasional game of tic-tac-toe. Last night, it opted for choice two, specifically the ‘tac’ and ‘toe’ part!

I took a couple of steps onto the tiles and turned to go to the cupboard where the glasses live. Another step, and, uh oh…..one foot was stuck. Yep, stuck to the tile, but not so bad that I couldn’t pull it loose and continue to the cupboard. I opened the cupboard door, grabbed a glass, and turned to go the 3 or 4 steps to the fridge.

I should mention here that I had not turned on any lights for my ‘get a glass of water’ adventure. There is a nightlight that stays on over the kitchen counter, and I figured that would be enough to just get in, get water, and get out.

So, both my floor and I were acting mostly in the dark. As I am standing at the counter with a glass in hand, but a foot stuck to a tile, I’m trying to calculate my next move. I took a step onto the next tile over with my free foot. Not a good idea! Something sticky tried to grab a toe, but I quickly pulled my foot back and tried to hold steady in a kind of bizarre yoga pose. I left my stuck foot where it was and with my other foot, ‘tip-toeing’, if you will, across the other tiles, I hoped to quickly find my best option. Isn’t there something about the shortest distance between 2 points is a straight line? Can that line be a diagonal?

“Why not?,” I thought. So, I took the plunge….literally! With my left foot still stuck to the tile by the counter, I took a step in a diagonal direction 2 tiles over towards the fridge. All was well until I did the ‘touch-down’. Something cold and wet in a puddle greeted my free foot, clearly gave me the opportunity to try a sliding move, and, of course, allowed me to slide into a kind of split (which I don’t remember from acrobatic class) with my left leg bent at a right angle kind of behind me and my right leg outstretched in front of me. Fortunately, I held onto the glass so it didn’t break, but the rest of me, well, not a pretty picture.

I was able to pull my left foot lose from the tile, pull myself closer to the fridge, and feel around for a couple of clean and dry tiles. Found one, got a footing on it, untangled my nightgown, and stood up. Yea! The fridge was within reach.  I opened the door, filled the glass, closed the door and turned to see what exit options were available to me.

There was a 6 tile distance to my safe escape. I decided on the straight line approach using the ‘every-other’ tile plan and was able to quickly make it out of the kitchen with the glass still full.

This little ‘night adventure’ reminded me of the household cleaning rule: When the cat’s tail sticks to the kitchen floor for longer than 3 seconds, (you know that 3 second rule, right?) it is time to clean it.  So, if I had a cat, no doubt its tail would be stuck and I would need to give attention to some serious housecleaning. However, I don’t have a cat, so, clearly, I can put this off for another time.

And, should my floor and I meet in an altercation again, I think I will try ‘hop-scotch’. If that fails, and I get stuck for longer than 3 seconds to my floor, I might look for the mop!

Just a thought …